August 26, 2010
From a Father to a Son
The following was sent to me from a very good, old friend. With his okay, I have the opportunity to share it with you:
"Tomorrow, my wife and I drop our firstborn off at college. It's a ritual - a rite of passage that most parents go through, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. It's just the latest in a life long series of events in which we slowly let go of our children. While we are excited for him, the void left in our home and hearts will be painful. I guess that's just part of the job.
I wrote the following just about this time last year. Seems appropriate to share.
12 Rules for Success: A Father’s Advice to his Kids
1. Don’t despair in failure
Be strengthened in your resolve to succeed. Failure is temporary. Rather than being discouraged, learn to leverage failure as an instrument for learning and an opportunity for strengthened resolve. Remember, every hurdle cleared is one less obstacle between you and your objective. Should you stumble and fall, fall forward.
2. Never give up
Be a relentless tormentor of your objectives. Be both patient and persistent, focusing on the objectives, not the obstacles. If you believe in your course, persevere to the end, even in the face of great adversity or overwhelming odds. Never give up.
3. Never compromise your principles
It takes courage to draw a line in the sand, to stand up for what you believe. Your principles should be absolute, upheld with unwavering conviction. Personal preferences, on the other hand, warrant flexibility. Know the difference between the two – when to be firm, and when to be flexible.
4. Own your mistakes
Admit your mistakes, embrace them, and learn from them. Don’t hide them and never ever deflect responsibility to someone else. The future has an uncanny way of revenging past deception. Take ownership and live with the consequences.
5. Challenge convention; question assumptions
Question what everyone else takes for granted or assumes to be true. Ambiguity and change is unsettling. Consistency is comfortable and people often become unwittingly trapped by complacency or conjecture. Accept nothing without confirmation or validation and challenge others who do. Remember the old saying; sacred cows make the best burgers.
6. Show integrity in the smallest of things
Integrity is the resolve to do the right thing even when no one else will know you’ve done it. It’s returning a shopping cart to the cart return, turning in the sunglasses you found, leaving your name and number on the car you accidentally bumped. Integrity is rooted in the foundation of character. It’s not rewarded by recognition, but sustained by a personal conviction of right and wrong.
7. Lead from the front
…from over your shoulder and within arms reach. You have to touch the people you lead; walk among them and share in their burdens and triumphs. Lead face to face – not from an office, not through memorandums or phone calls or email. Show, don’t tell, and don’t ask anyone to do what you are unwilling to do yourself.
8. Establish a sphere of influence
Everyone needs advocates, people resolute in their support while unequivocal in their candor. Surround yourself with an inner circle of trusted friends and family who will champion your cause while providing honest, constructive feedback and advice. Learn to leverage their strengths to counterbalance your weaknesses.
9. Learn to ask questions
Rather than trying to learn all the answers, it’s far more important to learn what questions to ask. Milan Kundera, the author of The Unbearable Lightness of Being once observed, “The stupidity of people comes from having an answer for everything.” The ability to ask intelligent, relevant, and insightful questions is supremely valuable and uncommonly rare. One final thought… know the distinction between asking for information and asking for affirmation.
10. Pick your battles carefully
Life is not fair; injustice sometimes prevails. Still, not every conflict warrants a fight. Like it or not, our world is complicated by political influences, and it’s easy to win a battle and still lose the war. Consider what is to be gained and lost, and keep your eye on the larger objective.
11. Master the language
It might sound old-school in the age of texting, tweeting, and social networking, but a mastery of language communicates as much credibility and commands as much respect as a pedigree diploma, perhaps more. Language skills in our society have become appallingly poor. By contrast, a broad vocabulary brandished with flawless spelling, punctuation, and grammar is an incredibly powerful asset.
12. If you speak, speak thoughtfully with purpose, confidence, and authority; otherwise, be silent
Don’t speak simply to be heard. Have something relevant to say. “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.” – Robert Frost
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