I have for years.

Sometimes they're very useful. Sometimes they state the obvious. There was a little of both in an article they did in August 2007: "Winning at ebay".

First, let me say I've never sold on ebay, I am not a member of ebay, and I do not have a PayPal account. I have no connections to ebay. This is by choice.

A few statistics from ebay/Consumer Reports:

- Nearly HALF of ebay buyers surveyed "said they'd encountered deceptions".

- Last year, the Federal Internet Crime Complaint Center received c. 39,000 consumer complaints about internet auctions.

- Buyers can unintentionally end up with unsafe products through this venue, since it is an international source and not under U.S. safety and ban laws.

- No one can expect ebay to catch all the cons. It's a huge monster that cannot be fully controlled. We both know that.

- 30% of the buyers were not satisfied with their purchases. That's a huge percentage. Would you go to a grocery store where, upon arriving home, you found three of every ten items rotten in your bags?

- 10% did not arrive "on time". I am not sure what this means.

- 10% of the items were not accurately described. I'm surprised it's not higher, frankly. This makes me think buyers are not discerning enough to spot the inaccuracy.

- c. 50% said ebay was not a good source for hard-to-find items.

- 40% said ebay was rated fair-to-poor in customer support. THAT sounds like General Motors and Chrysler!

- Only 62% of those scammed failed to ever get their problems resolved.

- 89% of buyers used PayPal. Avoid any of the unsafe, difficult to prove, difficul- to-recover-your-losses methods of payment.

- 34% of unhappy buyers complained to PayPal and said it did not help.

Consumer Reports gives advice on trying to deal with this phenomenon:

- Check feedback. Look for at least a 99% approval rating.

- Avoid shady sellers. Well, DUH! They suggest read the TERMS of sale. DOUBLE DUH! Also, check whether the seller has changed identities. Only 13% of buyers surveyed did that.

- Confirm the sellers information by email. Get an address and phone number. If they don't want to give it to you... well, reconsider.

- Review the sellers products. If they sell computers one month, and hard candy the next, well... reconsider.

- Comparison shop. Another DUH! However, auctions reap benefits from those who do NO such thing. IMPULSE BUYERS are the Sitting Ducks at the Auction Shoot.

- Watch the "language" used. "In the style of", "inspired by", etc. mean the items are NOT what the seller would rather you THINK they ARE. They're doing standard C.Y.A. chatter.

- Be alert for "oddball" auctions. In this world, I have no idea what "oddball" is anymore.

- Sniping should be expected. That's only a concern to you if you're NOT set in your bid. And, if you're NOT set in your bid...YOU are called, what?... You're called a Sitting Duck.

- Don't blow your buyer reputation by being a flake, liar, con, etc. yourself! It's not just sellers who are unreliable and dirty, remember. They have to watch out for, ahem, "you" too!!

- NEVER open or follow email links claiming to be from ebay. You're being Phished, and that's trouble.

IF you've been scammed, notify:

The Federal Trade Commission (www.ftc.gov), or,

The Internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov).

Supply the ebay link(s).

What's always been true, is still true: When you find someone reliable and honest, stick with them. If you're out looking for Mr. Goodbar every night, you gonna git stabbed. Don't expect a lot of weeping at your funeral.

Posted by Ronn Ives at 11:53 PM | Link

(Antiques Deficit Disorder)

How to identify a Carrier of A.D.D.:

- Always wears the latest, newest, store-bought fashion.
- Always has a concerned, "Am I acceptable?" look on his/her face.
- Wants to buy a new car every year.
- Believes the latest toothpaste and tampon ARE new and improved.
- Hair, fake hair, and fingernails are changed once a month, minimum.
- Privately worries about the ability to maintain these budgetary demands.

- (You get the idea.)

Resulting personal problems of the A.D.D. person:

- Over-extension of budget.
- Hyper-tension in pre-social scenarios.
- Hyper-tension in social scenarios.
- Hyper-tension in post-social scenarios.
- Excessive acquisition of fashionable objects,
and excessive removal of out-of-fashion objects.
- Desperate need to belong in and to every group and
movement of the moment. This will change on a monthly basis.

Those to benefit from the victims of A.D.D.:

- Malls
- The Shopping Channel
- Fund raisers
- Thrift stores
- Flea marketeers
- Dumpster divers
- and eventually: Antiques dealers

Those who involuntarily share the curse of A.D.D. with the victim:

- Younger siblings (hand me downs)
- The main income earner (hand it overs)
- The Carrier's friends, who always appear
"awkward" (out of fashion) to the A.D.D. Afflicted.

How to spot the person WITHOUT Antiques Deficit Disorder (never had it or has been cured of it) (and there IS hope):

- They're happy.

- They love history, design thought, philosophy, art, their favorite shirt, their reliable car, their wise investments in antiques, their home (not house, not "the place they stay"), and they know the difference between fashion and good design.

- They're curious AND satisfied.

- They're STILL happy.

If you know anyone with this devastating, painful, often culturally contagious disease, please - PLEASE - help them. If you LOVE them, TAKE THEM ANTIQUING - before it's too late! God Bless you.

Posted by Ronn Ives at 08:01 PM | Link

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar....

No, wait...

A guy walks into FUTURES Antiques:

He asks the shop owner "Do you do free appraisals?"

The shop owner says "No."

"You know anyone who does?"

"What? FREE appraisals?"

"Yeh."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because NOTHING is 'Free'."

"...I just want you to look at some pictures..."

"But why?"

"Well, because I don't know anything about them."

"So you need research? Knowledge?"

"Yeh!"

"You could buy a bunch of books and study them..."

"I don't have the time for that, and books cost too much."

I said "My fee is fifty dollars an hour. I've taken the time, and I've spent the money."

He said "You mean it could take an HOUR?" That's all he heard: "hour".

"It could take DAYS. I've no idea what you have or what sort of research will be required!" I stared at him, and shrugged my shoulders. We were at the end of the thought, I thought. I thought wrong. He mumbled something about his wife, and left.

A minute later the wife came in, carrying their things. He followed. Apparently she's his big gun. They walked up to my desk, laid the stuff on my desk, and, by doing this they were saying "We're not going to take 'no' as an answer, and we DO want free advice."

Despite my headache, I wasn't in a brow-beaten, bad mood, so I allowed this to happen. I felt like doing a little teaching AND gnawing on someone.

She didn't hear the former conversation, and began treading old territory.

I give a small sigh, and... "You can either pay a professional to do it, or you can do it yourself, but ethically you cannot have the SAME person do both the appraising and the buying... nor is it a wise approach from your viewpoint."

(All she heard was "nor", "wise", and "your".) "Why?"

"Because if I wanted your stuff, and I was the least bit unethical, what would I do?" I stared at them, and waited...

They both thought. ".......................................give me a too-low price."

"Bingo!"

They thought a little more. "Well, why are there ads in the yellow pages advertising 'free' appraisals?"

"YOU can answer that question..."

They thought again. "...........................because...they might WANT my stuff, they want me to DELIVER it, and they want it at a too-low PRICE?"

"Of course! Look...you have two choices: Pay a professional to do it for you, or do your own homework... unless you don't care about the stuff or how much you get for it...and if THAT'S the case, WHY are you driving around spending all this gasoline money - and your time - asking me - and, I assume, others - for a 'free appraisal'? You're clearly trying to save money AND make money... Well, guess what? I'm a professional and I want to be paid for MY work too. DON'T YOU?"

"Sure."

"Would you walk into a lawyer's office and say 'I want you to draw up a Will for me and I want it done for free'?"

"NO!"

"Would you walk onto a car lot and say "I want THIS car, and I want it for free?"

"No."

"There you go. Now let me tell you something: TODAY I'm in a good mood and that makes you lucky... because walking into someone's business - ANY business - ANTIQUES INCLUDED - and asking for, let alone expecting, free work or inventory isn't just INSULTING, it's RIDICULOUS! It shows you haven't thought about this long enough to even BE thoughtful, let alone considerate or respectful. It shows me you have a bad case of 'Antiques Roadshow Fever'. You've already been conned - by television, and you're willing to put yourself in a precarious position."

They thought. They grunted. "Huh."

I raised my eyebrows.

She said "But these things are OLD. My grandma had them."

("It's just not sinking in with these people.") "Was your grandma not allowed to leave the house and buy new things?"

"Sure she was."

"Then why does BEING old mean you have ONLY old stuff?"

Again the ".................huh."

"Look, I KNOW what you're processing right now. You're trying to decide if I'm an ass or a blessing or somehow both at the same time. I get it. But the bottom line is I have given you the truth and a reality check. You can go to every antiques shop in town and ask them too, but I've ALREADY given you useful, FREE advice AND time. Use it or lose it." I smiled, and lowered my eyebrows.

I think they were shell-shocked, but maybe this will turn into a moment they can use... I hope so. I really do...

...or maybe it's just my remaining, buried ember of optimism I reheated every day, years ago, when I taught students in the class rooms of schools.

Posted by Ronn Ives at 08:21 PM | Link

A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR HUNTER / GATHERERS

(updated 8-19-07)

(As I add to this Archive, the newest entries will usually be at the top of each "CATEGORY")

---

"EBAY?! Oy vay!" or, "Get off the cell phone when you're in the woods hunting!"

People ask me if I sell on eBay. No, I do not. I have my own web site. It's fun, it works well, and I am not interested in auctioning my inventory. Nor do I offer PayPal or other automatic purchasing methods. I do not believe it is possible to be a wise antiques collector (or even an occasional shopper) by viewing one or two digital photographs (can you say "Photo Shop"?) and reading 50 words of description (can you define "excellent" condition?) without having further exchanges with the person representing the item. Making smart antiques purchases is complicated, and the motivations for deceit increase right along with our culture putting more and more monetary value & social status on them.

Don't get me wrong. I buy via the web also. There ARE items on the web normally safe from such problems. New books? Yes. Even new hand made things? Yes. New shoes? No. Antiques. It depends. There is a point where inspecting things in person or being able to ask unlimited specific questions is the ONLY way to get a solid understanding of what you're interested in. Translation: I expect to work with MY customers in more detail, and, if necessary, over a longer period of time than many dealers are willing to do. I have issues, YOU have issues. You've probably been "burnt" on the web before. I respect your efforts to avoid it. (Well, MOST of time. There ARE people who try to weasel free appraisals and other professional knowledge & time from me - but they are sorely disappointed. I do this as a LIVING - this is my PROFESSION - not my hobby.)

Look... I could take ANY digital photo and manipulate it with one of many programs to look any way I choose. Want that chair recovered in orange instead of yellow? Want that dent out of the metal? Want what looks like a real "signature" on something? Anything I want to do with a photo, I can do... but I don't. The same goes for words. I could write anything - and write it fairly well - which means using words that sound solid but are as vague and slippery as necessary for me to win in a law suit... but I don't. (You see people on tee-vee court shows all the time - especially related to on-line auctions - being dragged in front of the cameras due to the photos and words they have used to describe their inventory... but MOST of the time they walk away unscathed by the accusations and unpunished for their actions, because the law is NOT often as "black and white" as you might want it, especially with language.)

Buyer beware.

I've collected my entire life. It is one of my joys. I opened FUTURES Antiques in 1991, and I went on-line in 1996. I believe the only reasons I've made it this far (in a niche market) are due to my customers repeat visits and purchases. They've learned I have standards, don't exaggerate, don't lie, don't hide problems, and don't use loopholes. I'm proud of that. Seriously. In the short run, it's not easy OR profitable to stand by these policies... but I do have a well-developed sense of right and wrong, and I like to sleep at night.

So, ANY inquiry you make about an "item at distance" needs a careful, thorough investigation. If you don't have the patience to do this, or you're dealing with a seller who doesn't have the patience for you, you should walk (click) away and go elsewhere. You are in the wrong place. If you like "rumors" about the items you're considering, I can't help you. I like facts. If you hire me for professional advice, and you think this means the news gets "spun" the way you need it, I'm not your guy.

YOU - as a shopper, a collector - are the ONLY person who can define for yourself what it IS you want in your objects, your "collection", your home decor, and your ego. I'm sorry if I'm not your guy - I DO want to stay in business - but there are plenty of people who will tell you WHATEVER you want to hear. Go to them. They'll be happy to service you. On the other hand, if you want & have people who deserve your trust - hang onto them, and treat them with the same respect you want for yourself.

---

A few points of Etiquette when emailing a design/antiques web site regarding inventory:

- If you're looking to sell an item, FIRST ASK the person you're contacting if s/he wants such an item, and if they want to see a photo. (I automatically delete unsolicited/unapproved emails containing attachments.) But, your location (shipping issues) and your selling price (to a dealer) are required right up front along with the initial inquiry.

- Don't bother with the "make me an offer" stuff. It's the transparent device of every schmo looking for a free appraisal. Don't do it. It's tacky and common... WAY too common.

- If the web site has helpful INFORMATION, read that FIRST. It's there to INFORM and save time for everyone.

- When supplying important information, PROOF READ your typing. Avoid disasters, unless you want your purchase to go to "John Q. Smilh of Crooklyn, NU".

- Once you've initiated a contact with someone trying to make a living, check your email at least once a day and respond in a timely matter. Don't send out an inquiry, expect someone to jump through hoops for you, and then not respond back for a month.

Many business owners keep a "blacklist" of people to avoid as customers. Most are listed due to direct, "nasty and never again" experiences, but sometimes these names are shared within larger circles... just like customers do to businesses. The DOLLAR is NOT GOD for most hardworking people, and IF IT IS, be VERY CAREFUL, because YOU don't count. It's ALL about your empty wallet. Treat others as you want to be treated.

- Always insure purchases being shipped.

- Always photograph all six sides of a box when it arrives if there is ANY damage to the exterior of the box. Do this BEFORE you open the box. This is a MUST. If then you find everything okay, you can delete the shots and move on. If not, you have evidence. This protects you AND the seller. I've had people try to run scams on me with false damage claims. They are "blacklisted", and can be prosecuted. People can be petty on both sides of the fence.

- I've had up to 800 people a day visit my web site. Out of that 800, it's fair to assume that some are criminals. At a mere 1%, that's still 8 criminals. My point is that if the dealer seems a little cautious or thorough, put yourself in his/her spot, who has, I assure you, dealt with liars and scammers. Okay? Conversely, I TOTALLY understand when a potential customer wants all their i's dotted and t's crossed regarding a purchase. They've been stung too. We are ALL strangers for at least the first purchase, and have no logical reason to let down our guard - yet.

- Some people like to ask the seller to find the cheapest possible way to ship something, despite the fact they always want the items a.s.a.p., if not sooner, and packed so that everything arrives in perfect condition. "Cheap" means asking the dealer to find & use random packing materials and boxes in a skimpy, risky way, with a packing styles that may be extremely incompetent, and, they want the seller to "shop around" for the cheapest shipper, and, to skip the insurance. Let's face it... THAT'S stupid.

It's stupid from the buyer's p.o.v., since they claim to WANT the item to arrive in the purchased condition. It's stupid for the seller, because of all the time used to save someone else a couple of dollars at the dealer's expense, and there is the standing risk of damage. It's a GOOD deal for the shipper. No insurance? No payouts!! No loss of profit! It's a sweet deal for the shipper.

I won't do it. Plain & simple. I use good, reliable, honest packers & shippers, and they get paid for what they do, just like me, and just like you. Everyone does THEIR part, and you end up with a great object that remains a great object.

---

This ALWAYS sounds like a sales pitch when I say it in the store, but:

"ALWAYS buy one very good thing, not 10 mediocre things, and if necessary, go without a meal or dvd if it means getting that good thing. The meal or dvd can be found anywhere, anytime. The good thing can't. You probably didn't need the extra 3,000 calories or another Steven Segal movie anyhow."

---

Yes, BOOKS, but:

I've strongly suggested the use of BOOKS, not the web or periodicals, for the most reliable information, when it really matters. However, there's seldom a book I read that doesn't contain a mistake. After all, books ARE made by humans. Still, I stand first by BOOKS. Books go through a more rigorous gauntlet before Becoming.

This is coming from me, with a web site. No irony here, just the facts. I can type anything I want - RIGHT NOW - here at my keyboard -

"Bigfoot was in my kiddie pool in our backyard last night!"

- and it's now available to the entire world. It's scarey how easy it is to self-publish on the web. Don't be a Digi-Sucker, that's all. A new level of caution is required...

...But I DID see Bigfoot!

Honest!!

---

FAKES

I'm sure you know that FAKES of EVERYTHING are EVERYWHERE. My slogan is: "Fakes Follow Money". There is a "boiling point" of increased value and demand that kicks the forgers into sleazy action.

I am a bigger fan of BOOKS than I am periodicals or the WEB for research and knowledge. Let's face it - anyone can and does put anything on the web. Books require a guantlet of proof readers and editors (magazines less so). There IS VALUE to that process. IF you're TRULY a person who doesn't like and can't afford rip-offs, I suggest you invest study time and money into books. NOT one book. I said BOOKS.

---

EXAMPLES OF FAKES

"Murano" and other art glass is coming out of China and Poland by the billions. Unless there is an island of Murano in the Italian region of China, you're being conned. Some of it IS nice glass. Don't get me wrong. But if it's being called Murano, and old, the price is going to be too high. I've also seen faked signatures on Italian glass. KNOW their marks, signatures, and tags! Much of the Polish glass is being marketed through Target.

Remember those godawful Roseville Pottery fakes? Most faked art pottery is much better than that. Same goes for Majolica. Don't get lazy.

The entire market for Depression Glass and Cookie Jars was nearly killed due to fakes. Give me an hour, and I'll be back with a fake McCoy Mammy.

Art. Always dangerous. NEVER think you'll be smarter than the forgers. ALWAYS use professional help.

Fake Tiffany, etc. lamps are, and have been, out there for quite some time. We all see the bad fakes, but I also see some of the FINEST FAKES of all time. It's about the money they can bring in. Throw a little dust on one, plant it in a bogus estate sale or auction, and let people think THEY are discovering a "sleeper". That's how it works. This way you don't even have the recourse of saying "YOU SAID IT WAS TIFFANY!!" They didn't say it. You were sloppy, you were greedy, you were uneducated, and you were nailed.

Maxfield Parrish, Erte, etc. "old prints" (reproductions): For twenty years minimum, I've watched auctions and dealers take new reproductions out of a book or calender, put them into an actual old frame with dirty glass, and sell them for 100 times their cost and value.

Bakelite/Catalin jewelry, now established as a high priced substance, has been copied very well in cheap styrene plastics. You'd better learn how to i.d. the real thing. Back to the books!

Cowboy Kitsch metal dishware. Faked.

Carved mahogany furniture in old styles continues to come in from the Phillipines, etc. It's not difficult to spot, as long as you INSPECT the items. If you don't inspect, don't expect any sympathy.

20th century designer furniture - the fastest rising value category of the last 20+ years - has fakes, knock offs, and look-alikes galore. Much is produced in Italy, but it's now a world market, and it's everywhere. Buyer beware. Stick with honorable dealers and your books.

---

Putting a light on White People:

I'm a White guy. I've learned a couple of things in this Decor Business. DON'T put green or blue light on White People, UNLESS you want them to look sick or dead. Green is the worst, blue comes in a close second. It's simply true. Don't bother arguing.

Don't use translucent green or blue shades, and don't use green or blue bulbs. Just stay away from green or blue light.

---

PRICE GUIDES

I'm not going to suggest one over another (OR the use of only one!). Your choice will depend upon your interests. However, buy only price guides that focus on your country/countries of interest, and you must buy updated editions every two or three years. Also, save the old ones. They can be used to track value increase.

DON'T think a price guide written and published in New York City or Miami as its base model will represent your situation in Pleasantville, USA. The price/value will be lower in your area. The web is reducing this phenomenon, but it is still a good concept to keep in mind as a buyer or a seller. What I'm saying is GET REAL. Life isn't Antiques Road Show.

Also, keep your price guides in the trunk of your car, if you are a serious "Hunter/Gatherer".

---

JUNK SHOPS, JUNQUE SHOPPES

It's not so much about merchandise as it is ATTITUDE. A junk shop has poor lighting so it's difficult for you to inspect items. They avoid putting price tags on things because they want to "size YOU up" - by your hair, clothes, speech, and car. The price will be adjusted by your presentation. (And please don't kid yourself into thinking you can dress-down and fool pros...you can't.) A junk shop is cluttered and tight. You're being set up for a "you broke it, you bought it" situation.

Price stickers are often placed over a stain, chip, or crack. Ask the dealer - DON'T do this yourself - if they'd remove the sticker so you can see the entire object. And DON'T do this UNLESS you are VERY SERIOUS about a potential purchase. The public will switch price tags if they can, so dealers often use "permanent adhesive" tags that cannot be removed without tearing. Don't ask for the tag to be destroyed if you're simply "curious". You won't be welcomed back. If it were ME, I'd say "I'd like to buy this item, and here is my cash, but before we complete this purchase, I'd like to see under the adhesive tag. If it's clear, we have a DEAL!" If you buy it but leave the stickers unchecked, and later you discover a chip, forget it. As far as the dealer is concerned, YOU may have chipped it. Your INSPECTION should happen in the shop. Take your time. Once you leave, we can't play the Later Game. Shoppers are CONS & CRIMINALS too, you know.

---

DECORATED AND ANODIZED ALUMINUM TUMBLER CARE

NO dishwashers, no scrub sponges, no cleansers, no fast temperature changes, and no dropping. Wash in warm, soapy water with a soft cloth. Dry with soft towel.

---

THAT EVIL OLD SUN

Ultra violet light, important to Life, is also the enemy of objects. It dries and fades nearly everything on the planet, especially pigments, and especially in the red-purple-black range. Your art, rare books, fabric, furniture, albums, photographs...are NOT plants! They do NOT want direct light.

Put ULTRA VIOLET FILTER PLEXIGLAS over any art/pictures you care about.

---

THE CHIP/CRACK SYNDROME

"I can save money if I buy one with flaws." True. You can... and it will be worthless to anyone else, should you ever want to sell it. DON'T DO IT. Buy one perfect thing, not ten flawed ones.

---

ALL SALES FINAL / ITEMS SOLD AS-IS

I don't care WHAT someone tells you in a store about an item you're considering. If those signs are up, it neutralizes anything they "may" have said and you can't prove. That sign trumps you 100%. The policy signs exist for the protection of ALL involved. INSPECT ALL ITEMS THOROUGHLY in the store.

---

THAT VASE HAS A NICE "RING" TO IT (Inspecting pottery and glass)

When looking for cracks, including internal damage, in pottery or glass, I'd rather use my ears than eyes. You can always hold a vase rim by two pinched fingers, and "ding" it. If it "rings", it's solid. If it "clunks" and sounds more like wood, it's got a crack, whether you can see it or not.

P.S. - If you drop it, you own it. The moment you touch something, you accept responsibility for that which follows.

---

THE PERFECTLY RESTORED VASE

Even a beautifully restored vase is worth less than a perfect original. When looking for repairs, I a) use my eyes and ears, then b) a magnifying glass, and then c) a black light, which shows alterations. If you're a glass or pottery fan, keep a portable black light in the trunk of your car.

---

TEMPERATURE, AND ART GLASS & POTTERY

Do NOT force sudden hot or cold temperatures on these substances for cleaning or use. They can explode or crack, and then it's all over. Mild temperatures only!

---

IT'S ELECTRICAL

ANY electric item should be tested in the store. Once you take it home, it's your responsibility. I'm never insulted when customers ask for a test (despite the fact I pre-test, and rewire if necessary, all appliances). IF it has a FRAYED cord - DO NOT PLUG IT IN. IF the plug has been cut off, interpret this to mean "This is a deadly, dangerous, non-working item, and I don't want you to find out until you're long gone... and if it burns down your home, or kills you, oh well.. I KNOW you won't be returning the thing!"

---

CLEANING FLAT GLASS

Whether cleaning a glass-topped table or a framed wall picture, NEVER EVER spray the glass and then wipe it down. INSTEAD, spray your cleaning towel, and wipe the glass with the towel. Think about that. It's a common but deadly mistake.

---

BOGUS CLEAR GLASS

Sometimes old glass is fogged. It can fog from years of water exposure (minerals), or the use of dishwasher chemicals. Despite the rumors of "denture tablets" being able to remove these problems, I've never found this to be true. What I HAVE found true is a trick the Sleazers will use when pawning off fogged glass: a thin layer of oil can be applied to the interior of the glass, which makes the fogging temporarily vanish. Once you get the piece home, wash it, or the oil evaporates, you finally see what you bought. How to guard against it? FEEL the inside of the glass.

---

I SEE TEARS RUNNING DOWN CHEEKS EVERYDAY

If you see something you really like, and it's in good condition, do NOT walk away from it, or, if you do, walk away resigned you'll probably lose it to someone else. I HATE telling people "It sold yesterday. Sorry." If nothing else, give the owner a nonrefundable $10. bill to HOLD it for 24 hours while you "think" or "research" or whatever. Once it's gone, it's gone, and I can guarantee you, we ALL carry the "Ones that got away" scars.

---

ASSTATE SALES

"Estate" sales can be and are faked. An auction house and/or group of inscrupulous dealers can rent an empty home for a few days, load it up with their stuff they've found impossible to sell otherwise, or a new batch of fakes, shake their vacuum cleaner dust bags over all of it, and let the shoppers fight over these "undiscovered bargains". YOUR greed is YOUR worst enemy. There are SO many tricks in the business. Do NOT think you will be on top of them all.

Find honest dealers, and stick with them. They'll also share good advice.

IF you want them to be there for YOU tomorrow, YOU have to be there for them today.

---

PRICE GUIDES AT LOCAL LIBRARIES

They're usually no good. They're typically way out of date, and the pricing pages are often razor-bladed out by some creep who won't pay eight cents for a xerox copy.

---

"I HAVE ARRIVED!!!!"

(Advice on being welcomed back)
(All examples are from real experiences)

The DON'T's:

DON'T walk into a store talking on your cell phone, and tell the store owner to turn down their music so you can hear your phone.

DON'T - enter with your wet umbrella, and shake it off. Gently close it, and leave it at the front door.

DON'T bring in huge, gaping, open carry bags, or, if you must, ask to leave them at the desk with the owner. Let's face it - THEY don't know you yet. You COULD be a thief trying to steal THEIR ability to make a living. Thieves also stuff items behind their babies in carriages and strollers. Leave them home, or within view.

DON'T bring in sloppy drinks from the Quickie Mart or the jogging bottle you suck on all day, and set it down on fine wood, fabric, or metal furniture, etc. Again, don't bring it in, but if you "must", ask to leave it up at the front desk.

DON'T think you can come up with any bartering games the dealer hasn't heard. It's embarrassing how often people try the old routines. If you're on a budget, just say so. THAT would be a refreshing change.

DON'T be a standoffish creep your entire visit, and then suddenly turn on the charm when you've found something you want and are now preparing to barter. Do you REALLY think the owner hasn't noticed? BTW: this is usually done by women.

DON'T use an antiques store as "The Discovery Zone" or "McDonald's Playland". Leave the children under six or devoid of public manners home. Antiques are the WRONG objects for training children's dexterity. There's a very good chance that the items they break are NOT the ones you wanted... so paying for broken, undesired antiques is NOT a fun day full of relaxation... And you WILL pay.

The DO's:

DO respond when the owner welcomes you. Ignoring them, or giving them dirty looks is NOT the way to start a pleasant, helpful relationship.

DO compliment a business you like. THAT is never unwelcome. It makes for a nicer day.

DO remember that your continued business is what helps a business continue. One purchase, made eight years ago, IS appreciated but doesn't necessarily keep the world spinning.

DO put down even a small amount of money if you want an item "HELD". A dealer shouldn't be expected to "HOLD" an item with no financial committment. Too many sales are LOST this way. It's amazing how many people ask for "HOLDS" and never return. Talk about rude and self-centered! This hardens dealers until they'll won't offer the option to anyone at all... even you, a decent person who could use 24 hours.

DO call ahead by at least 24 hours if you are wheelchair bound, and want to visit businesses with ever-changing inventory and spatial demands. Sometimes aisles are too small, or ultra-fragile items are too low. Give the owner a chance to HELP!

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Old Fans:

It's amazing what a drip of 3-in-1 oil can do when applied to the axle of the fan blades (the shaft that goes into the motor). Tilt the fan back, put a drop on, give the blades a few hand-spins while the oil heads back into the motor. Turn it on in a few minutes. If the oscillator arm is sticky, try it there too. It can't hurt.

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Wood treatment:

There is only ONE I will use. I use NO other. If I run out, I stop using anything. It's not available in the retail market (that I've ever seen). "Finish Feeder". I love it for ANY wood except blonde finishes. DO NOT use it on those. If I was a sports star, I wouldn't endorse the latest, overpriced sneaker. I'd endorse "Finish Feeder". I keep a crate of it in FUTURES for use on my furniture and other wooden objects. I have to special order it as a dealer.

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Cleaning FIBERGLASS lamp shades (from the 1950's):

They do just fine being cleaned with a spray degreaser. IF you don't know the difference between fiberglass, paper, and fabric, DON'T try this.

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Cleaning chrome (ONLY):

"Super fine", "6-0", "000000" will buff chrome and remove grime without scratching. Spritz some degreaser into the steel wool if it's covered in an old layer of kitchen grease or cigarette tar. Disgusting! If you don't know the difference between chrome and aluminum, nickel, stainless steel, silver, or any other "silver" metal, don't try this, either.

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Vinyl/plastic treatments (there are plenty):

They are good for your plastic toys, formica, bakelite, etc.. Find it in automotive supply stores.

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Pinch and sniff your sofa while you wiggle it:

It's FAR from enough to like the look of a sofa, and it's still not enough to like how it "sits".

You "pinch" the sofa to feel if the foam rubber cushions have any "crumbly, dry" feeling, or is losing "yellow dust". If so, run away. Replacing foam rubber is terribly expensive. It will outprice the piece.

You "sniff" the sofa for one main reason: cat pee. You will NEVER, EVER get the odor out of the furniture. I don't care what some can of miracle deodorizer says.

You "wiggle" the sofa to listen for any squeaks. That usually means loose joints, which MIGHT mean broken joints, or years of abuse, or its having been "dip-stripped" at one point (which is the Kiss of Death). It definitely means look VERY VERY close under and within every where you can get. NOW you understand ONE good reason for the flashlight in your trunk. Go get it.

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Definition of Quality: Quality (in antiques/design) is that which is thoughtfully designed - aesthetically, functionally, and technically - with lasting materials and solid construction by a person or company that is earning or has already earned a reputation as an important contributor and a wise investment.

What is a "Good Investment"? It is an item of Quality, plus, it is especially descriptive of its era, identifiable by its maker/designer, was or is being documented in periodicals or better - BOOKS, and, face it, it must eventually be something people WANT... and, they must want it for more than one issue of Martha Stewart Living, Antiques Quarterly, or the life span of a Beanie Baby. Ahem.

Are YOU glad that someone BEFORE YOU took care of the thing you now own and love? Well? ARE you? You have the SAME responsibility to care for the things now.

Posted by Ronn Ives at 07:46 PM | Link