It's a gray, rainy day. The last few days have been especially gray for me in other ways. I don't need to go into it - just trust that I mean what I say.

Instead, I'll tell you about Vicki. I didn't know her. She emailed FUTURES "cold" this morning with an inquiry about the Jens Quistgaard flatware available. Yes, I still had it, told her so, and we arranged for a follow-up phone conversation later in the day.

With the info-exchange part of our conversation done, we began to chat. She reminded me - as she will you - of Priorities, and what I too often do not see in the daily grind of owning an antiques business.

Her Mother died. Vicki wasn't looking to sell anything nor trying to weasel free appraisals from me (some people do this under the guise of "I'm interested in purchasing so let's talk"). Vicki was looking to fill out a flatware set her Mother had purchased in the 1950's. Little did she know her Mom had purchased Jens Quistgaard, that Quistgaard would become a Godfather of Scandinavian design, and what she had was of quality. Hey, she grew up using spoons, forks, and knives. THAT's what she knew! That's all SHE needed to know - then. Kids are oblivious to these things.

Over the years, pieces of the set were lost (given away to be used at college, etc.). What was once a service for 15 (!) became minimal. She was now filling out the set because she loved it, and wanted to continue what her Mother began. NOW she wishes she could ask her Mom how she came to know these things, what did she give up in order to afford (what was even then) expensive flatware, and within what "circles" did she move to absorb this refined taste?

Vicki's siblings got together to deal with these possessions. They decided to AVOID an estate or yard sale. Despite MY ambivalent position within the World of Things for Sale, I was pleased to hear this from her. They did not want to conclude the adjustments of losing a loved one with what is normally an ugly, greedy, depressing "clearance" process of their Mom's final things. Instead, they agreed to divide it amongst themselves - with NO arguments - and that which they couldn't use would be given to those who COULD. Given.

Between our troubled economy and the well-established "Antiques Road Show" FEVER now spread to all Americans, it's worth noting they did not behave in this greed-driven manner. I honor their approach. (Should you want more RANTS on The FEVER, check my Archive sections.)

You'll think it odd, but I'VE NEVER been comfortable with estate sales or auctions. I'm sad at events which only exist because one person lost another. I'm sad when I see people pushing, shoving, and fighting over Things - including IN someone else's home, mind you - bitching and bartering to try and save a dollar - with the mourning family somewhere nearby. It disgusts me.

Have you seen the film "Zorba the Greek"? (GREAT film.) In it is a death bed scene. An old woman of the village is dying. All the other old women, dressed in black, linger nearby. Village unity? Tradition? Religion? Respect? No. The MOMENT she is dead, they rush into her home like screaming black vultures, and strip the place bare. The deceased is lucky to still have the hair on her head when they are done.

In OUR society, we do this with official public announcements. I know dealers who read the obituaries to try and get a leg up on other dealers who watch for estate sale notices in the newspaper. I'm embarrassed to be, in any way, associated with Vultures.

Vicki and her siblings did the right thing. Within my world, I try to do the right thing, too. I don't seek out tragedy and mourning. If I am meant to be a part of something, I will be informed. I treat people fairly and I rely on word-of-mouth. When I DO go into a home, it is with a sense of gratefulness for the invitation and the knowledge this is NOT fun for the family. I ask that the entire family be involved in and settle on how they ALL want to handle this predicament. Only THEN, if they need me, will I return and participate. If I personally can't help them, I refer them to someone I trust and respect who could do a good job under the particular circumstances.

Vicki and I enjoyed chatting for quite some time. We sailed through such issues with great ease because our points of view were so close. She understood it takes a certain emotional toll on me to do my job: to be involved in others' losses, find the right things for MY store, spend my money, run this business, hope to pay my bills, and still hold to principles that allow me to sleep at night. Frankly, it's not always easy.

In the eighteen years I've been doing this, I would venture a guess I've met five people who actually understand and can express the deeper meaning of possessions, history, people, and their stories. Within them exists a reverence I would love to encounter every day. God knows I need the Lift.

I received mine today.