Pat, my Wife, and I went to a music concert last night. It was an evening of Texas/acoustic/electrified/country/folk/duet type music. Sorry, but I don't remember the name of the opening act. The announcer was a little too laid back. The musician was okay, with moments of brilliance, yet too many repetitive stylistic touches. The stage was amped for a much larger space, so all of the acoustics, especially lyrics, were distorted and often oppressive.

The headliner was "Everybodyfields". They were also okay, occasionally brilliant, again t.m.r.s.t., and the stage remained highly amped. This time I suggested we move to the back of the theater, which helped a little. The high points were when the young woman sang lead solo or with subdued backup. Their steel guitarist was wonderful. The male lead sounded too much like Louden Wainwright - no plus for me. If we could've picked and pulled selections from the concert (which was generously lengthy - c. 3 hours), we could've assembled a nice album. They lacked stage polish (refreshing), the woman, who was gorgeous, literally "danced" with her bass guitar in a subtle, swaying, beautiful way that enhanced the songs. (And OF COURSE there were buttheads in the audience, to which "Everybodyfields" mistakenly reacted - even encouraged. BIG mistake. You DON'T encourage buttheads. They become relentless. They lack timing and proportion. That's why they're called buttheads.

The theater is a "restored" 1919 building in Norfolk Virginia, called "Attuck's". Lots of money has been sunk into it as part of the revitalization effort being made towards poorer sections of Norfolk. We were looking forward to seeing the interior. Frankly, they DIDN'T RESTORE it. They REDECORATED it, with only small glimmers of its "1919-ness" there. It looked like pieces of 1919 floating in the belly of a 1985 whale. Some theaters have been truly restored in Norfolk, and they are glorious. Not this one. Not "Attuck's Theatre". Most of the staff was equally unprofessional - behaving more like rag men at a car wash. All through the performances, I could hear them just outside the concert space doors, talking, laughing, joking, and yelling. It's also the first restored theater I've ever attended where they sold beer, in bottles, to be taken into the "restored" hall to be consumed during the concert. The place needs new management top to bottom.

---

Sunday night we are going to see "Stomp". Not at Attuck's.

---

Tonight: I don't think we're going anywhere, but the Governor hasn't called lately...

---

and now for a story:

"Mr. Emer - the Man Who Knew it was Earth Day"

Yesterday, an event happened that turned out so funny for both Alvin and I, we were laughing about it again today, and I thought you might like it too.

"It was a normal day...." and a woman turned the corner. She parked on the side street. I'd been sweeping outside, so I saw her pull up. It was a perfectly find parking job: far from the corner, correct distance from my car (VERY important!), correct distance from the curb... it was an all-around good parking job. What more could anyone ask? She got out of her car and approached me as I was reentering FUTURES.

"Do you think I parked okay?"

"Uh...sure. Why do you wonder?"

"I'm not too close to the curb, am I?"

"No..."

"Is this legal parking?"

"Yes...........of course. It's a public street."

"I thought maybe I missed a sign or something."

"No......................... So... what can I do for you?"

She began asking questions about my business location, how long I've been in business... stuff like that. She had a note pad. Then she asked: "Do you carry parts?"

"Carry? Parts?"

"Mm hmmmm. Parts. You know!"

"No... I DON'T know."

"HOUSE parts. Parts of a HOUSE."

"Architectural details?"

"Yes, those."

"No. None. I'm not a 'Parts' guy. My things are ready to go. Turn-key condition. No projects here."

"Oh. I was told you sold parts."

"Nope."

"Aren't you 'Country Boy Antiques'?"

"No... (like my windows and door say) this is 'FUTURES Antiques'."

"Oh. Well, I'm a reporter for the newspaper and..."

(...and she's rattling on, but I'm now busy thinking about THIS woman being a "REPORTER" for the NEWSPAPER! We're all in trouble...)

"You want to walk out of my door and turn left. Go down 3 more doors. Look to the left. You'll be at 'Country Boy Antiques'. Ask for Alvin Jones."

"Can I ask YOU questions?"

("You already have, and it hasn't gone very well for you but...") "Sure, I have no customers at the moment. What do you need?"

"Are you aware of 'Earth Day'?"

"Yes..."

"Do you know what it's for?"

(.........I sigh.) "Sure... it was one of the late 60's/early 70's attempts to bring ecological/etc. awareness to the general public."

"Right."

("Gee! Thanks! Ms. 40-year-old gauzy-skirted Birkenstock-shod late-Hippie Wishshewuz who needs a hand-held GPS - STAT!")

She then asked "Did you know it's STILL being celebrated?"

"No, I did not."

"Well, it IS! Do you know what DAY it's on?"

"Clearly not. If I wasn't even aware it was still being 'celebrated', its date would get past me too. I guess the PR people involved in keeping up awareness aren't doing that great of a job."

"YES they are!"

("We have a NUT! Alert! Alert!!")

"No, they're not. And I tell you what - I'll BET you that when you're done on this block or in this city or whenever the article is done, the majority of those you interviewed did NOT know what you hoped they would."

"Oh, they WILL!"

"Then we have a bet?"

"Everyone I've interviewed so far has known..." she smirked. She actually smirked.

"Interesting," I said. "How many have you interviewed?"

"Well...................................................................you're the first."

All I could do was stare at her and shake my head.

But it's not over! Yes, she DID leave my store, and DID follow my simple directions on how to get fifty feet down the sidewalk to Country Boy. Alvin was outside. I discreetly warned him he had a "situation" in his store.

---

(The work day ends, the night passes, and he and I were catching up this morning...)

---

He's laughing and agreeing it was good I'd warned him he had a goofball (A REPORTER???) He WAS interviewed and is now scared to death about what she'll end up writing. He did not let her take a photo of him. Smart man. Keep a little anonymity just in case!) (Still, we'll know his news-destiny in a week).

So we're sitting outside in front of his store. In his show window he has a sign:

"Contact for Emer. - Call #737-1234".

He said to me: "Listen to this! That woman was asking me questions, and she asks 'Who is 'Emer'?" Ronn, I looked at her. She wasn't joking! I said to her ''EMER? 'Emer.' is an abbreviation for Emergency!"

So I said "YOU pal are in DEEP TROUBLE. By the time the article comes out you'll be 'Palvin Bones of Poor Boy Parts Store on Blandy Street!' You're a dead man! If she mentions ME, I'll be 'the completely uninformed old owner of Past the Future Retro Mart'."

We were laughing. Hard.

He told me she also interviewed two customers in the store. No one knew Earth Day dates, etc.. Now I'm going into an asthma attack I'm laughing so violently.

"That explains why she seemed to time her fast exit past my store as I was carrying the sidewalk sign inside! She didn't want me to catch her and ask for the survey results."

PLEASE! WHERE'S MY INHALER??? Oh my god. I'm laughing too hard. Slap me!!

---

That's not all.

A man who seems to visit Alvin every Saturday was sitting with us, laughing along, shaking his head, staring at the cement. He then said "I have one for you..."

"...I was getting a tire replacement at a tire store, right? A woman was ahead of me. She was watching the man add air pressure and spin balance her tire. She asked him 'Do you spin it to make sure the air is 'even' inside the tire?'"

We all stared at the cement, shaking our heads like Nodder Dogs in the back window shelf of a '61 Pontiac.