Once in awhile I get in the mood for an avalanche of 80's Bruce Springsteen hits. Today's one of those daze... and that means Springsteen is rockin' in FUTURES.

M'god, the '80's were as much as 27 years ago.

Official VINTAGE music in an official VINTAGE and ANTIQUES store... how cliche!! I usually reserve Sundays for classical music - including that which has become thought of as "church" music - from Gregorian Chant to High Baroque. Oh god, oh oh... HOW CLICHE!! I'm a walking, talking, balking bag of cliches.

How do I get out from under this canopy of commoness?

I know! I'll serve cute little sugar cookies at the door... No, no... THAT'S being done, and I don't have the money to pay for weekly roach exterminators. I know, I'll have a bowl of cheap peppermints wrapped in plastic. No... that's being done, and I don't want all my fine art pottery and art glass filled with little wads of smelly clear plastic. I'll stop playing music altogether. No... t.b.d., and they're way ahead of me in the "Never-take-your-eyes-off-the-customer style of interaction. Okay, I'll load the place up with cobwebs and smelly cats. No... t.b.d. too, and I'd feel bad every time a customer had to tell me one of the cats spewed diarrhea on the inventory (sofa) ... Oh I KNOW! I'll sit by my cash register on a stool and eat junk food day in and day out "because it's the only place around here"! I'll become a Jabba character. No... t.b.d.. Damn.

Okay, okay........I got it: I'll put my store number into speed dial on my cell phone, and then when customers come in, I'll secretly call myself on the store phone and pretend it is Sotheby's or Oprah or the Queen. "Oh, it's ARRIVED already! That's very good. I put in a word for you. Yes, I might be able to help you with that also... let me look at my schedule later in the week, would you? Oh stop it! You're a RIOT!! If the MEDIA knew you as I do, they'd stop all that silliness. Okay, I'll call you by next Wednesday, how's that? Monaco? Fine. Till then. Yes, I have it. No, no...thank YOU! Ciao."

Crap. I'm sure that's being done all the time.

Come on Ronn, THINK!!!!

Maybe I could play old Rusty Warren, and Redd Foxx vinyl albums on a turntable.
("Quick! GOOGLE!! Who is Rusty Warren?")
I mean, this WOULD discourage the "McDonald's Playland" crowd, wouldn't it? No, it wouldn't ............... after having seen that "Good bush, Bad bush" T-shirt.

We've created an endless world of cliches.

I could wear a "Cave Man" costume, or one of my computer buddies could animate up some cute lil' character with "sass and edge" to represent me...oh, and I'll need a Catch Phrase. Mine (so far) have failed to become National Phenomenons:

"Don't Screw with the Past!"

"FUTURES: Specializing in the Past right here in the Present!"

"FUTURES: The Most Modern Antique Shop Around"

"Even your MOM has been thinking you need to come see me."

"Do you WANT to be cool, or NOT?"

"I Kill Hummels and Eat Beanie Babies"

"NO DRINKS NO FOOD NO SMOKE"

"HEY!!! I'M OVER HERE!!!"

(They get more and more desperate...)

Maybe the trick is to have it on a T-shirt and bumper sticker FIRST, and THIS will insure its widespread use. Probably so. How can you NOT love T-shirts? What are ya, a danged COMMIE?

It's Super Bowl Sunday.

Sorry.