A SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR HUNTER / GATHERERS

(updated 11-02-08)

(As I add to this Archive, the newest entries will usually be at the top of each "CATEGORY")

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It's Idiot Time!

"How much is that clock on your wall that looks real Fifties and has the balls on the end of the metal rods and the tag says it is a fake and not for sale?"

"Well... it's NOT for sale... because it's a FAKE. I put it there to help you avoid being ripped off... by fakes."

"I wouldn't know one if I saw it."

"...NOW you do. Now you have. Now you're armed."

"Oh. Well, do you know who sells them now?"

"No. I don't deal in fakes and junk. Sorry."

"Oh."

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"EBAY?! Oy vay!" or, "Get off the cell phone when you're in the woods hunting!"

People ask me if I sell on eBay. No, I do not. I have my own web site. It's fun, it works well, and I am not interested in auctioning my inventory. Nor do I offer PayPal or other automatic purchasing methods. I do not believe it is possible to be a wise antiques collector (or even an occasional shopper) by viewing one or two digital photographs (can you say "Photo Shop"?) and reading 50 words of description (can you define "excellent" condition?) without having further exchanges with the person representing the item. Making smart antiques purchases is complicated, and the motivations for deceit increase right along with our culture putting more and more monetary value & social status on them.

Don't get me wrong. I buy via the web also. There ARE items on the web normally safe from such problems. New books? Yes. Even new hand made things? Yes. New shoes? No. Antiques. It depends. There is a point where inspecting things in person or being able to ask unlimited specific questions is the ONLY way to get a solid understanding of what you're interested in. Translation: I expect to work with MY customers in more detail, and, if necessary, over a longer period of time than many dealers are willing to do. I have issues, YOU have issues. You've probably been "burnt" on the web before. I respect your efforts to avoid it. (Well, MOST of time. There ARE people who try to weasel free appraisals and other professional knowledge & time from me - but they are sorely disappointed. I do this as a LIVING - this is my PROFESSION - not my hobby.)

Look... I could take ANY digital photo and manipulate it with one of many programs to look any way I choose. Want that chair recovered in orange instead of yellow? Want that dent out of the metal? Want what looks like a real "signature" on something? Anything I want to do with a photo, I can do... but I don't. The same goes for words. I could write anything - and write it fairly well - which means using words that sound solid but are as vague and slippery as necessary for me to win in a law suit... but I don't. (You see people on tee-vee court shows all the time - especially related to on-line auctions - being dragged in front of the cameras due to the photos and words they have used to describe their inventory... but MOST of the time they walk away unscathed by the accusations and unpunished for their actions, because the law is NOT often as "black and white" as you might want it, especially with language.)

Buyer beware.

I've collected my entire life. It is one of my joys. I opened FUTURES Antiques in 1991, and I went on-line in 1996. I believe the only reasons I've made it this far (in a niche market) are due to my customers repeat visits and purchases. They've learned I have standards, don't exaggerate, don't lie, don't hide problems, and don't use loopholes. I'm proud of that. Seriously. In the short run, it's not easy OR profitable to stand by these policies... but I do have a well-developed sense of right and wrong, and I like to sleep at night.

So, ANY inquiry you make about an "item at distance" needs a careful, thorough investigation. If you don't have the patience to do this, or you're dealing with a seller who doesn't have the patience for you, you should walk (click) away and go elsewhere. You are in the wrong place. If you like "rumors" about the items you're considering, I can't help you. I like facts. If you hire me for professional advice, and you think this means the news gets "spun" the way you need it, I'm not your guy.

YOU - as a shopper, a collector - are the ONLY person who can define for yourself what it IS you want in your objects, your "collection", your home decor, and your ego. I'm sorry if I'm not your guy - I DO want to stay in business - but there are plenty of people who will tell you WHATEVER you want to hear. Go to them. They'll be happy to service you. On the other hand, if you want & have people who deserve your trust - hang onto them, and treat them with the same respect you want for yourself.

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A Few "You-Know's" coming from a Day of Observation:

You KNOW someone is NOT your potential customer when they stand at the start of a long aisle, crank his/her head at an angle, then walk to the start of the next aisle and do the same thing.

You KNOW a radio being offered for sale doesn't work when you ASK - and the seller says "I dunno. I didn't check it."

You KNOW someone is going to "bargain" for a price when she's inspecting an item and whispering to her Other. Ooh, so sly!

You KNOW someone is NOT a potential customer when he walks into your store looking down at the coins in the palm of his hand.

You KNOW someone is extremely confused, stoned, & stupid when she walks into your store and asks if you have sneakers for sale.

You KNOW someone is NOT a potential customer when he walks into your store & is busy looking at your ceiling and the high points of your walls.

You KNOW the box full of dishware wrapped in newspaper he wants to sell is chipped when you see he's missing lots of teeth.

You KNOW the lady in the polyester slacks printed with a patchwork quilt pattern will not be your Top Sale.

You KNOW there's no sale when someone says "WE had that exact same thing!" (even when it's a handmade object, by the way).

You KNOW there's no sale if they're wearing golf visors. I don't know why, but it's true. It MAY be the way they refer to historic homes as "used" houses.

You KNOW someone is about to ask for a lower price if they've been cold to you from the very first moment and then suddenly warm up as though you're their best friend.

You KNOW the woman who won't even look you in the eye when you greet her will be nothing but unpleasant.

You KNOW the mother who allows her two-year-old child to roam unattended is someone over-flowing in feelings of self-righteous entitlement - needing to be shadowed and possibly removed from your business within that first two minutes.

You KNOW someone's happy if they say "Ooh" "Oh wow" and "Oh my god!" in a higher pitch of voice. I love those sounds.

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A few points of Etiquette when emailing a design/antiques web site regarding inventory:

- If you're looking to sell an item, FIRST ASK the person you're contacting if s/he wants such an item, and if they want to see a photo. (I automatically delete unsolicited/unapproved emails containing attachments.) But, your location (shipping issues) and your selling price (to a dealer) are required right up front along with the initial inquiry.

- Don't bother with the "make me an offer" stuff. It's the transparent device of every schmo looking for a free appraisal. Don't do it. It's tacky and common... WAY too common.

- If the web site has helpful INFORMATION, read that FIRST. It's there to INFORM and save time for everyone.

- When supplying important information, PROOF READ your typing. Avoid disasters, unless you want your purchase to go to "John Q. Smilh of Crooklyn, NU".

- Once you've initiated a contact with someone trying to make a living, check your email at least once a day and respond in a timely matter. Don't send out an inquiry, expect someone to jump through hoops for you, and then not respond back for a month.

Many business owners keep a "blacklist" of people to avoid as customers. Most are listed due to direct, "nasty and never again" experiences, but sometimes these names are shared within larger circles... just like customers do to businesses. The DOLLAR is NOT GOD for most hardworking people, and IF IT IS, be VERY CAREFUL, because YOU don't count. It's ALL about your empty wallet. Treat others as you want to be treated.

- Always insure purchases being shipped.

- Always photograph all six sides of a box when it arrives if there is ANY damage to the exterior of the box. Do this BEFORE you open the box. This is a MUST. If then you find everything okay, you can delete the shots and move on. If not, you have evidence. This protects you AND the seller. I've had people try to run scams on me with false damage claims. They are "blacklisted", and can be prosecuted. People can be petty on both sides of the fence.

- I've had up to 800 people a day visit my web site. Out of that 800, it's fair to assume that some are criminals. At a mere 1%, that's still 8 criminals. My point is that if the dealer seems a little cautious or thorough, put yourself in his/her spot, who has, I assure you, dealt with liars and scammers. Okay? Conversely, I TOTALLY understand when a potential customer wants all their i's dotted and t's crossed regarding a purchase. They've been stung too. We are ALL strangers for at least the first purchase, and have no logical reason to let down our guard - yet.

- Some people like to ask the seller to find the cheapest possible way to ship something, despite the fact they always want the items a.s.a.p., if not sooner, and packed so that everything arrives in perfect condition. "Cheap" means asking the dealer to find & use random packing materials and boxes in a skimpy, risky way, with a packing styles that may be extremely incompetent, and, they want the seller to "shop around" for the cheapest shipper, and, to skip the insurance. Let's face it... THAT'S stupid.

It's stupid from the buyer's p.o.v., since they claim to WANT the item to arrive in the purchased condition. It's stupid for the seller, because of all the time used to save someone else a couple of dollars at the dealer's expense, and there is the standing risk of damage. It's a GOOD deal for the shipper. No insurance? No payouts!! No loss of profit! It's a sweet deal for the shipper.

I won't do it. Plain & simple. I use good, reliable, honest packers & shippers, and they get paid for what they do, just like me, and just like you. Everyone does THEIR part, and you end up with a great object that remains a great object.

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This ALWAYS sounds like a sales pitch when I say it in the store, but:

"ALWAYS buy one very good thing, not 10 mediocre things, and if necessary, go without a meal or dvd if it means getting that good thing. The meal or dvd can be found anywhere, anytime. The good thing can't. You probably didn't need the extra 3,000 calories or another Steven Segal movie anyhow."

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Yes, BOOKS, but:

I've strongly suggested the use of BOOKS, not the web or periodicals, for the most reliable information, when it really matters. However, there's seldom a book I read that doesn't contain a mistake. After all, books ARE made by humans. Still, I stand first by BOOKS. Books go through a more rigorous gauntlet before Becoming.

This is coming from me, with a web site. No irony here, just the facts. I can type anything I want - RIGHT NOW - here at my keyboard -

"Bigfoot was in my kiddie pool in our backyard last night!"

- and it's now available to the entire world. It's scarey how easy it is to self-publish on the web. Don't be a Digi-Sucker, that's all. A new level of caution is required...

...But I DID see Bigfoot!

Honest!!

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FAKES

I'm sure you know that FAKES of EVERYTHING are EVERYWHERE. My slogan is: "Fakes Follow Money". There is a "boiling point" of increased value and demand that kicks the forgers into sleazy action.

I am a bigger fan of BOOKS than I am periodicals or the WEB for research and knowledge. Let's face it - anyone can and does put anything on the web. Books require a guantlet of proof readers and editors (magazines less so). There IS VALUE to that process. IF you're TRULY a person who doesn't like and can't afford rip-offs, I suggest you invest study time and money into books. NOT one book. I said BOOKS.

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EXAMPLES OF FAKES

It's not the First Time:

A flotilla of ships carrying container loads of Chinese fakes has hit our shores. They are carved marble reproductions of Archipenko (etc.) sculptures, complete with signatures and dates gouged into the stone, and fake museum codes and archive notations hand written on the underside of the bases.

They're on eBay, they're in shops, they're in auctions. They are being priced to give the impression (to fools) a seller is thinking "Well, Grandma had this a long time, it COULD BE something! I better price it at a couple thousand bucks just in case, and if it is nothing, I made out like a bandit!" If they were priced at $5. no one would buy the idea. If they were priced at $5 million, it would eliminate the fools and not get by the experts. Things like this need to be priced delicately within the slightly painful, entirely greedy, gambler's reach of a fool.

Fakes are like a ripe field of green corn-like plant-objects.

The Uneducated arrive like locusts.

Smiling Farmers stand nearby.

Why, that sounds like a Haiku uttered from a corrupt Buddha...

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"Murano" and other art glass is coming out of China and Poland by the billions. Unless there is an island of Murano in the Italian region of China, you're being conned. Some of it IS nice glass. Don't get me wrong. But if it's being called Murano, and old, the price is going to be too high. I've also seen faked signatures on Italian glass. KNOW their marks, signatures, and tags! Much of the Polish glass is being marketed through Target.

Remember those godawful Roseville Pottery fakes? Most faked art pottery is much better than that. Same goes for Majolica. Don't get lazy.

The entire market for Depression Glass and Cookie Jars was nearly killed due to fakes. Give me an hour, and I'll be back with a fake McCoy Mammy.

Art. Always dangerous. NEVER think you'll be smarter than the forgers. ALWAYS use professional help.

Fake Tiffany, etc. lamps are, and have been, out there for quite some time. We all see the bad fakes, but I also see some of the FINEST FAKES of all time. It's about the money they can bring in. Throw a little dust on one, plant it in a bogus estate sale or auction, and let people think THEY are discovering a "sleeper". That's how it works. This way you don't even have the recourse of saying "YOU SAID IT WAS TIFFANY!!" They didn't say it. You were sloppy, you were greedy, you were uneducated, and you were nailed.

Maxfield Parrish, Erte, etc. "old prints" (reproductions): For twenty years minimum, I've watched auctions and dealers take new reproductions out of a book or calender, put them into an actual old frame with dirty glass, and sell them for 100 times their cost and value.

Bakelite/Catalin jewelry, now established as a high priced substance, has been copied very well in cheap styrene plastics. You'd better learn how to i.d. the real thing. Back to the books!

Cowboy Kitsch metal dishware. Faked.

Carved mahogany furniture in old styles continues to come in from the Phillipines, etc. It's not difficult to spot, as long as you INSPECT the items. If you don't inspect, don't expect any sympathy.

20th century designer furniture - the fastest rising value category of the last 20+ years - has fakes, knock offs, and look-alikes galore. Much is produced in Italy, but it's now a world market, and it's everywhere. Buyer beware. Stick with honorable dealers and your books.

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Putting a light on White People:

I'm a White guy. I've learned a couple of things in this Decor Business. DON'T put green or blue light on White People, UNLESS you want them to look sick or dead. Green is the worst, blue comes in a close second. It's simply true. Don't bother arguing.

Don't use translucent green or blue shades, and don't use green or blue bulbs. Just stay away from green or blue light.

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PRICE GUIDES

I'm not going to suggest one over another (OR the use of only one!). Your choice will depend upon your interests. However, buy only price guides that focus on your country/countries of interest, and you must buy updated editions every two or three years. Also, save the old ones. They can be used to track value increase.

DON'T think a price guide written and published in New York City or Miami as its base model will represent your situation in Pleasantville, USA. The price/value will be lower in your area. The web is reducing this phenomenon, but it is still a good concept to keep in mind as a buyer or a seller. What I'm saying is GET REAL. Life isn't Antiques Road Show.

Also, keep your price guides in the trunk of your car, if you are a serious "Hunter/Gatherer".

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JUNK SHOPS, JUNQUE SHOPPES

It's not so much about merchandise as it is ATTITUDE. A junk shop has poor lighting so it's difficult for you to inspect items. They avoid putting price tags on things because they want to "size YOU up" - by your hair, clothes, speech, and car. The price will be adjusted by your presentation. (And please don't kid yourself into thinking you can dress-down and fool pros...you can't.) A junk shop is cluttered and tight. You're being set up for a "you broke it, you bought it" situation.

Price stickers are often placed over a stain, chip, or crack. Ask the dealer - DON'T do this yourself - if they'd remove the sticker so you can see the entire object. And DON'T do this UNLESS you are VERY SERIOUS about a potential purchase. The public will switch price tags if they can, so dealers often use "permanent adhesive" tags that cannot be removed without tearing. Don't ask for the tag to be destroyed if you're simply "curious". You won't be welcomed back. If it were ME, I'd say "I'd like to buy this item, and here is my cash, but before we complete this purchase, I'd like to see under the adhesive tag. If it's clear, we have a DEAL!" If you buy it but leave the stickers unchecked, and later you discover a chip, forget it. As far as the dealer is concerned, YOU may have chipped it. Your INSPECTION should happen in the shop. Take your time. Once you leave, we can't play the Later Game. Shoppers are CONS & CRIMINALS too, you know.

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DECORATED AND ANODIZED ALUMINUM TUMBLER CARE

NO dishwashers, no scrub sponges, no cleansers, no fast temperature changes, and no dropping. Wash in warm, soapy water with a soft cloth. Dry with soft towel.

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THAT EVIL OLD SUN

Ultra violet light, important to Life, is also the enemy of objects. It dries and fades nearly everything on the planet, especially pigments, and especially in the red-purple-black range. Your art, rare books, fabric, furniture, albums, photographs...are NOT plants! They do NOT want direct light.

Put ULTRA VIOLET FILTER PLEXIGLAS over any art/pictures you care about.

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THE CHIP/CRACK SYNDROME

"I can save money if I buy one with flaws." True. You can... and it will be worthless to anyone else, should you ever want to sell it. DON'T DO IT. Buy one perfect thing, not ten flawed ones.

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ALL SALES FINAL / ITEMS SOLD AS-IS

I don't care WHAT someone tells you in a store about an item you're considering. If those signs are up, it neutralizes anything they "may" have said and you can't prove. That sign trumps you 100%. The policy signs exist for the protection of ALL involved. INSPECT ALL ITEMS THOROUGHLY in the store.

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THAT VASE HAS A NICE "RING" TO IT (Inspecting pottery and glass)

When looking for cracks, including internal damage, in pottery or glass, I'd rather use my ears than eyes. You can always hold a vase rim by two pinched fingers, and "ding" it. If it "rings", it's solid. If it "clunks" and sounds more like wood, it's got a crack, whether you can see it or not.

P.S. - If you drop it, you own it. The moment you touch something, you accept responsibility for that which follows.

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THE PERFECTLY RESTORED VASE

Even a beautifully restored vase is worth less than a perfect original. When looking for repairs, I a) use my eyes and ears, then b) a magnifying glass, and then c) a black light, which shows alterations. If you're a glass or pottery fan, keep a portable black light in the trunk of your car.

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TEMPERATURE, AND ART GLASS & POTTERY

Do NOT force sudden hot or cold temperatures on these substances for cleaning or use. They can explode or crack, and then it's all over. Mild temperatures only!

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IT'S ELECTRICAL

ANY electric item should be tested in the store. Once you take it home, it's your responsibility. I'm never insulted when customers ask for a test (despite the fact I pre-test, and rewire if necessary, all appliances). IF it has a FRAYED cord - DO NOT PLUG IT IN. IF the plug has been cut off, interpret this to mean "This is a deadly, dangerous, non-working item, and I don't want you to find out until you're long gone... and if it burns down your home, or kills you, oh well.. I KNOW you won't be returning the thing!"

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CLEANING FLAT GLASS

Whether cleaning a glass-topped table or a framed wall picture, NEVER EVER spray the glass and then wipe it down. INSTEAD, spray your cleaning towel, and wipe the glass with the towel. Think about that. It's a common but deadly mistake.

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BOGUS CLEAR GLASS

Sometimes old glass is fogged. It can fog from years of water exposure (minerals), or the use of dishwasher chemicals. Despite the rumors of "denture tablets" being able to remove these problems, I've never found this to be true. What I HAVE found true is a trick the Sleazers will use when pawning off fogged glass: a thin layer of oil can be applied to the interior of the glass, which makes the fogging temporarily vanish. Once you get the piece home, wash it, or the oil evaporates, you finally see what you bought. How to guard against it? FEEL the inside of the glass.

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I SEE TEARS RUNNING DOWN CHEEKS EVERYDAY

If you see something you really like, and it's in good condition, do NOT walk away from it, or, if you do, walk away resigned you'll probably lose it to someone else. I HATE telling people "It sold yesterday. Sorry." If nothing else, give the owner a nonrefundable $10. bill to HOLD it for 24 hours while you "think" or "research" or whatever. Once it's gone, it's gone, and I can guarantee you, we ALL carry the "Ones that got away" scars.

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ASSTATE SALES

"Estate" sales can be and are faked. An auction house and/or group of inscrupulous dealers can rent an empty home for a few days, load it up with their stuff they've found impossible to sell otherwise, or a new batch of fakes, shake their vacuum cleaner dust bags over all of it, and let the shoppers fight over these "undiscovered bargains". YOUR greed is YOUR worst enemy. There are SO many tricks in the business. Do NOT think you will be on top of them all.

Find honest dealers, and stick with them. They'll also share good advice.

IF you want them to be there for YOU tomorrow, YOU have to be there for them today.

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PRICE GUIDES AT LOCAL LIBRARIES

They're usually no good. They're typically way out of date, and the pricing pages are often razor-bladed out by some creep who won't pay eight cents for a xerox copy.

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"I HAVE ARRIVED!!!!"

(Advice on being welcomed back)
(All examples are from real experiences)

The DON'T's:

DON'T walk into a store talking on your cell phone, and tell the store owner to turn down their music so you can hear your phone.

DON'T - enter with your wet umbrella, and shake it off. Gently close it, and leave it at the front door.

DON'T bring in huge, gaping, open carry bags, or, if you must, ask to leave them at the desk with the owner. Let's face it - THEY don't know you yet. You COULD be a thief trying to steal THEIR ability to make a living. Thieves also stuff items behind their babies in carriages and strollers. Leave them home, or within view.

DON'T bring in sloppy drinks from the Quickie Mart or the jogging bottle you suck on all day, and set it down on fine wood, fabric, or metal furniture, etc. Again, don't bring it in, but if you "must", ask to leave it up at the front desk.

DON'T think you can come up with any bartering games the dealer hasn't heard. It's embarrassing how often people try the old routines. If you're on a budget, just say so. THAT would be a refreshing change.

DON'T be a standoffish creep your entire visit, and then suddenly turn on the charm when you've found something you want and are now preparing to barter. Do you REALLY think the owner hasn't noticed? BTW: this is usually done by women.

DON'T use an antiques store as "The Discovery Zone" or "McDonald's Playland". Leave the children under six or devoid of public manners home. Antiques are the WRONG objects for training children's dexterity. There's a very good chance that the items they break are NOT the ones you wanted... so paying for broken, undesired antiques is NOT a fun day full of relaxation... And you WILL pay.

The DO's:

DO respond when the owner welcomes you. Ignoring them, or giving them dirty looks is NOT the way to start a pleasant, helpful relationship.

DO compliment a business you like. THAT is never unwelcome. It makes for a nicer day.

DO remember that your continued business is what helps a business continue. One purchase, made eight years ago, IS appreciated but doesn't necessarily keep the world spinning.

DO put down even a small amount of money if you want an item "HELD". A dealer shouldn't be expected to "HOLD" an item with no financial committment. Too many sales are LOST this way. It's amazing how many people ask for "HOLDS" and never return. Talk about rude and self-centered! This hardens dealers until they'll won't offer the option to anyone at all... even you, a decent person who could use 24 hours.

DO call ahead by at least 24 hours if you are wheelchair bound, and want to visit businesses with ever-changing inventory and spatial demands. Sometimes aisles are too small, or ultra-fragile items are too low. Give the owner a chance to HELP!

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Old Fans:

It's amazing what a drip of 3-in-1 oil can do when applied to the axle of the fan blades (the shaft that goes into the motor). Tilt the fan back, put a drop on, give the blades a few hand-spins while the oil heads back into the motor. Turn it on in a few minutes. If the oscillator arm is sticky, try it there too. It can't hurt.

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Wood treatment:

There is only ONE I will use. I use NO other. If I run out, I stop using anything. It's not available in the retail market (that I've ever seen). "Finish Feeder". I love it for ANY wood except blonde finishes. DO NOT use it on those. If I was a sports star, I wouldn't endorse the latest, overpriced sneaker. I'd endorse "Finish Feeder". I keep a crate of it in FUTURES for use on my furniture and other wooden objects. I have to special order it as a dealer.

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Cleaning FIBERGLASS lamp shades (from the 1950's):

They do just fine being cleaned with a spray degreaser. IF you don't know the difference between fiberglass, paper, and fabric, DON'T try this.

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Cleaning chrome (ONLY):

"Super fine", "6-0", "000000" will buff chrome and remove grime without scratching. Spritz some degreaser into the steel wool if it's covered in an old layer of kitchen grease or cigarette tar. Disgusting! If you don't know the difference between chrome and aluminum, nickel, stainless steel, silver, or any other "silver" metal, don't try this, either.

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Vinyl/plastic treatments (there are plenty):

They are good for your plastic toys, formica, bakelite, etc.. Find it in automotive supply stores.

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Pinch and sniff your sofa while you wiggle it:

It's FAR from enough to like the look of a sofa, and it's still not enough to like how it "sits".

You "pinch" the sofa to feel if the foam rubber cushions have any "crumbly, dry" feeling, or is losing "yellow dust". If so, run away. Replacing foam rubber is terribly expensive. It will outprice the piece.

You "sniff" the sofa for one main reason: cat pee. You will NEVER, EVER get the odor out of the furniture. I don't care what some can of miracle deodorizer says.

You "wiggle" the sofa to listen for any squeaks. That usually means loose joints, which MIGHT mean broken joints, or years of abuse, or its having been "dip-stripped" at one point (which is the Kiss of Death). It definitely means look VERY VERY close under and within every where you can get. NOW you understand ONE good reason for the flashlight in your trunk. Go get it.

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Definition of Quality: Quality (in antiques/design) is that which is thoughtfully designed - aesthetically, functionally, and technically - with lasting materials and solid construction by a person or company that is earning or has already earned a reputation as an important contributor and a wise investment.

What is a "Good Investment"? It is an item of Quality, plus, it is especially descriptive of its era, identifiable by its maker/designer, was or is being documented in periodicals or better - BOOKS, and, face it, it must eventually be something people WANT... and, they must want it for more than one issue of Martha Stewart Living, Antiques Quarterly, or the life span of a Beanie Baby. Ahem.

Are YOU glad that someone BEFORE YOU took care of the thing you now own and love? Well? ARE you? You have the SAME responsibility to care for the things now.