A man walks into FUTURES. I greet him. He walks up the center aisle... a nicely dressed middle aged fellow with no hint of insanity.

He: "Oh, I see you have REAL antiques."

Me: "....uh, Yes. (?) No fakes here."

He: "I mean, they're nice."

Me: ("THAT'S what you meant?!") "Thank you. Yes, they are."

He: "I want a thrift store."

Me: ("You WANT a thrift store? As a business enterprise?" Oh, you're LOOKING FOR a thrift store...?) "You're in the wrong place then."

He: "Where is one? I've looked all over. I don't understand why this city does not have one near by! Cities should have such things near by!"

Me: "There ARE a bunch near by."

He: "There ARE? Well, what I need is a hardware store."

Me: "I thought you said 'thrift store'."

He: "I did. I need some rope. Do you buy china?"

Me: "Oh. No, I don't buy china (I do, but this guy is nuts...). Do you want to go to a THRIFT STORE OR A HARDWARE STORE?"

He: "A military surplus place."

Me: "I thought you just said thrift store, then hardware store."

He: "I did. I want rope to tie some stuff down."

Me: "And you can't find rope?"

He: "I've looked everywhere. I thought a military surplus might have it. Why aren't there things like this in this city?"

Me: "There are, and there IS military surplus at 27th and Granby, which is near here."

He: "I know. I went there."

Me: "I thought you said you couldn't find one."

He: "I did. Their prices are too high."

Me: "Maybe you should look for a discount Rope Store."

He: "Where's the thrift store?"

Me: "I don't know" (I DO, but we are SO DONE now).

He: "So I still need rope and you don't buy china?"

Me: "Right. You still need rope, I don't buy china, and I couldn't help you, so you need to go find someone who CAN help you (and you DO need help)."